He is such a slut. More and more my type.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
