apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just pee around me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
