i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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