You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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