Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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