i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
