he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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