Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
