Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
