In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
