I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
