I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
