I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
