Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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