According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
