connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
