i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
