Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
