Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
