so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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