There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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