I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
