he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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