no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
