Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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