you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
