Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
