I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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