STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
