If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
