Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
