What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
