Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
