cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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