Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
