do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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