I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
