How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
