He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
