only if we run a train.
done.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
