Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
