Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
