I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
