I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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