i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
