I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
