I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
