the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i will never coherently bang her
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
