i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
