i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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