I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
