so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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