I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
