I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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