the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
