Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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