He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
