dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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