I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
